Another unique feature about this book is whereas many dating books are more anecdotal–they tell a nice story of how two people met and married—each chapter in this book first provides a super-structure of how that particular contributor approaches relationships in general.  In other words, they present a model with a scripturally-informed, biblical rationale—granted, one that may or may not ultimately convince the reader.   Only after providing this foundation, they apply their approach to three scenarios:  one involving two high school-age teens, another involving a pair of college students, and the third involving a single woman in her thirties.  Each has different family and relational community (some Christian, some non-Christian).   The scenarios then really tease out what the contributors have in common and where they see things differently.  There has been a lot of interested in this book from college ministries, for example.  It is even ideal for classroom discussion in Christian ministry courses.  I know several instances in which the book is being used in this way. 

ROGER:  I’ve met a number of people who either don’t think much about their approach to romantic relationships or mix various approaches together. Is there really a need for Christians to study the art of relationships and settle down on a formal approach?

ALEX: Hmmm.  The analogy that comes to mind is the often-asked question:  “Why study theology in a systematic fashion?  Isn’t it enough to just read the Bible?”   The reality is, every Christian has a systematic theology—though it may be poorly or totally uninformed.  Studying the various perspectives that Christians throughout history and today hold on matters such as justification, sanctification, spiritual gifts, the role of the law in the life of the believer, creation/intelligent design, (to name a few) can be a helpful exercise.  For one, it brings the Christian outside herself and causes her to think critically about why she believes and practices what she does.  It exposes her to people who think differently, and she can join the noble company of the Bereans, “examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so”.  (Acts 17:11)    Or, in the words of I Thes 5:11, we should “test everything; hold fast to what is good.” 

I think this principle applies to many areas of life, including romantic relationships.  Everyone has both principles and methods (though they may be all jumbled up, as you suggest, Roger) that they bring to this issue.  And the real test comes when your would-be “significant other” brings a totally set of assumptions to the table.  Now how do you communicate?   And again, as I mentioned in my first response, for parents and teenagers wanting to gain a “big picture” perspective on relationships, a book like this one is invaluable.  It’s the only book out there of its kind.  Pastors, too, have a particular need to “study the art of relationships” (especially if they work with singles) as doing so will significantly prepare them for the sort of discipleship/counseling questions that arise.  Singles today are in a different world than they were thirty years ago and the landscape is rapidly changing.  But now I’m reverting to my answer to your first question, Roger…..as to how different sorts of people (including pastors, and dating “veterans”) can benefit from this book. 

ROGER: Three of the five “paths” in the book say that “dating,” to some degree, is acceptable. Could you briefly lay out these perspectives and their differences?

ALEX: Winner, Clark, and Holland are all comfortable with the term “dating”, and like you say, they find it acceptable in a number of circumstances.  There is a lot of similarity between these three perspectives, although each is written with the unique personality and style of its author.  All emphasize the importance of chastity, personal holiness, and of keeping one’s eyes on the Lord above all else.  They all value the importance of community and parental involvement, rather than “going it alone”.  It was an honor for me to be associated with each of these great thinkers and writers.

One slight difference might be how they approached the scenario I presented (Jenny and David) of two high school age teens considering dating one another.  Holland suggests caution in this case, as, in his view, dating should only happen when marriage is a realistic and age-appropriate possibility.   Winner and Clark seem more open to various avenues where they can safely but honestly explore their interest in one another.  For Winner, dating should have an orientation toward marriage, although it is not imperative that all dating relationships will or should end in marriage.  For the Clarks, part of the reason for dating is the personal and spiritual refinement that can result, if young men and women accept the responsibilities that come with it, namely personal commitment to holiness and clear communication with others. So hopefully that’s enough of a “teaser” without getting me into too much trouble.:) I encourage you to read the book and let the contributors speak for themselves!